My first attempt at a fill for the smutfest! Why I wanted to write a dialogue-only smutfic, I have no idea, I don't think I've ever written a dialogue-only fic before, but here it is:

Title: lend a hand
Content notes: Algy/EvS, dialogue-only fic, casual sex, some dubcon vibes (Algy is EvS's prisoner and is restrained) but sex is consensual and there's no violence, Arguing Made Them Do It


"Aren't you going to kiss it better?"

"If you had simply accepted defeat there would have been no need--"

"You must know me better than that by now. If you won't free my hands so that I can see to it myself, you'll have to kiss it better. Or am I way out of your league?"

"It's not even bleeding. There's no need to be so dramatic. I will not release your hands, not after what you did last time."

"Oh, dramatic, am I? Bit rich coming from you, Mr El Shareef galloping in on a white camel or whatever it was. Completely bowled poor Biggles over. I wasn't impressed."

"I have no need to impress you. You are tied up and my prisoner. That is all."

"A prisoner with a cut lip, and you don't even have the decency to kiss it better."

"Decency!"

"I suppose if it's decency I want I've come to the wrong store, you haven't got it in you to--"

"There. Does that satisfy you?"

"Huh. Call that a kiss? You barely touched me."

"And no doubt if I repeat the procedure, like this, you will merely say it is a paltry attempt. But perhaps this will suffice."

"Ah. So your tongue isn't always acid."

"Is your lip better now?"

"Oh, had enough, have you? So soon? My lip's improving, but now there's another problem."

"You are the most infuriating--stay where you are!"

"Or what, you'll kiss me again?"

"I could tie your legs too."

"Would you enjoy that? Personally I'm not worried by standing right here. Does it bother you?"

"Why would I be afraid of a bound man?"

"Even this close?"

"Of course not. If it's closeness you want--are you cold? Perhaps I had better stand even closer. Or does that bother you, Lacey?"

"Everything you do bothers me. You may as well stay there, it'll be more convenient."

"Convenient for what?"

"This. I can't do anything about this either, with my hands tied. That means it's your problem now. It's your job to look after your prisoner's needs."

"Go to blazes!"

"As an objection, that would be more convincing if you let go of me."

"You're the one who came over here. Or didn't you mean it?"

"I'm never serious about anything. You're not as hard as the wall, anyway. At least, mostly not. If you're not going to untie my hands you'll have to use yours. Or perhaps you haven't ever touched anyone's prick but your own."

"Don't tell me what I have and haven't done before."

"Considering all the things you have done, this ought to count as virtuous."

"And you just plan to stand there?"

"Oh, you want me to do something now? All right then."

"Scheisse--no, you may as well keep going. Now that you've started."

"You too, then. Since you've started. Oh, you're liking that, aren't you?"

"What if I am? That's the point."

"I'm getting the sense that you have done this before. A few times. More than once, anyway. You're honestly almost competent. Perhaps we should try--"

"Ah! I might have known you'd bite."

"I might have known you'd like it. Bet you like this too."

"I am gratified by this sudden impulse to find out what I like."

"All right, but I'm not wrong, am I? There. Now, since I'm going to all this effort I'd like you to--that's better. But d'you have to go so slowly?"

"Of course you're impatient."

"They say Prussians are methodical but this is ridiculous, get on with it, damn you."

"Can't wait?"

"I'll give you waiting! Oh, that's better. All right then, let's see what you're made of."

"Steady there--damn you, Lacey, I can't--oh, you've--oh."

"You see? A good time had by all. Now, if you don't mind, I'll just be having that automatic."

"How did you get your hands free?"

"Amazing what you don't notice when you're up against a wall with my leg between your thighs, you were quite relaxed there for a minute, eyes closed and everything--no, you stay right there. Since you like messing around with ropes so much, let's have your hands. There you go, isn't that nice, you'll notice I'm quite good at knots. Now, I'd love to stay for a rematch, but time's a-wasting."

"At least have the decency to--"

"Oh, are we back to decency again? Don't you think your criminal colleagues would enjoy the spectacle of you with your prick hanging out and--oh hell, who's that coming?"

"Algy! Are you in there? Stand back from the door, I'm coming in!"

"Lacey, for God's sake--"

"All right, all right, there you go, all tidy. It's okay, Biggles, I'm fine, just having a little chat with dear old Erich. It seems we agree on one thing, at least."

"Do we?"

"Yes. We do. Nothing's been happening here. All right, Biggles, there's a key in here, no need to break the door down. Come on in."

"Oh good, are you all right? I was told von Stalhein had taken you prisoner but I see you've swapped things around."

"Lacey is very resourceful."

"Ah, you weren't doing too badly, you just need to learn not to get distracted. You should kiss him goodbye, Biggles, he'd like it."

"What the dickens--"

"Lacey jests."

"Quite. All right, never mind, come on, Biggles. I've done everything I can here. I'm sure we'll be seeing von Stalhein again next time he gets lonely."

"I doubt I will ever be that lonely."

"Not while you're keeping this kind of company. I expect your unsavoury friends will be along presently to give you a hand, so we'll say goodbye for now--what's so funny, Algy?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."